A great article in today’s NY Times on Great Britain’s identity crisis. Gordon Brown (he’s the British Prime Minister for readers who aren’t British or limeo-Americans like me) decided that it would be nice if Britishness was defined a bit more clearly.
Lets face it Britain is a bit vague on quite a few things. For example, there is no written constitution. Even with the help of Wikipedia, I struggled to explain how this worked to my 15-year old son.
Among Gordie’s initiatives was the idea of having a motto. The French have one – Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite. In the USA we have, et Pluribus Unum, so it’s about time the Brits got one.
The Times (the London one) ran a competition to see who could come up with a 5 word motto for Britain. Here are some of the best ones. There are some real beauties:
Dipso fatso bingo asbo Tesco (Asbo stands for “anti-social behavior order,” a law-enforcement tool, while Tesco is a ubiquitous supermarket chain)
Once Mighty Empire, Slightly Used
We Apologize for the Inconvenience
Americans who missed the boat
At least we’re not France
My other car’s a Porche
Let’s discuss it down the pub
Great Britain: Mind The GapMore in the post continuation…
Britain; Live wrong and prosper!
Oggie, oggie, oi, oi, oi! (a little Welsh irony here)
Sorry, is this the queue? (my personal favorite)
Drinking continues till morale improves
In America we trust
Britania waives the rules
Britain innit (For fans of Ali G)
Mustn’t grumble
Turned out nice again
Oh, you are awful, but I like you (Long live Dick Emery)
Great Britain – nul point (you really have to be a Brit to understand this one)
Mostly Harmless (for Douglas Adams fans)
Great Britain – a great place to be from (sad but true IMHO)
Anyone fancy a Pint?
Average Britain
Mad as a box of frogs
Best before Nineteen fifty six
Two World Wars and One World Cup
I sold it on Ebay
Chicken Tikka Masala for all
We invented the tea bag
No motto please, we’re British (best till last)
A similar exercise was conducted in Australia. Here is the Top 10.
1. Hold my beer and watch this
2. Australia – the only country that eats its national emblem
3. Win or Lose…Hit the Booze
4. Australia – Insert culture here
5. Tie me kangaroo down sport
6. F**k the motto, lets get blotto
7. At least it’s not Britain
8. Australia – on parole since 1901
9. No culture, no class, no worries
10. Like a boomerang, you’ll be back
Number 2 is my absolute favorite.
1. It’s drizzling. Still, mustn’t grumble.
2. I’ve put the kettle on.
Classic! Nobody can say we Brits don’t know how to laugh at ourselves.
I like the first one. Maybe I should put it as a motto at the top of my blog along the lines of Edward’s Pango Pango Pango or whatever it is.
I also liked, “Americans who missed the boat,” until I realized that it expresses a misconception that people in Britain often have about Americans. Contrary to what we all seem to think before we actually visit the US, Americans are not just former English folk with names like Clinton and Carter who just happen to have different accents. The place is actually full of folk with names like Ziombkowski, Poggioreale and Obama whose ancestors were never anywhere near Britain.
Actually I think it would be more accurate to describe the English as “Irish who couldn’t swim”.
Mottos like mission statements seem very un-British: understated and unspoken are much more appropriate.
Though mustn’t grumble and put the kettle on would be a lot better than some darn government focus-grouped creation.