September 8

Top 10 Stupid Boat Names

Boat Names

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Ship_20happens_small THE RESULTS OF THIS SURVEY CAN BE FOUND HERE

A while ago, I came across the Top 10 Boat Names according to Boat US. Many of them are plain stupid, not least the #1 boat name, Aquaholic. Pu-lease!

In doing a bit of digging around, I found some other dumb names for a boat. Panbo had some great ones like the one pictured here. Imagine calling Mayday on your VHF in this boat.

Bernie Ebbers, the jailed former CEO of Worldcom’s yacht was called Aquasition. He deserved time for that alone.

I thought it might be a good wide to come up with the top 10 Stupidest Boat names.

Let me know your favorite stupidest boat names.  I will send a Top 10 Sailing CD to the best 3 submissions.

Here are some other beauties I found pecking around:

– a Little Nauti
– Adoryble (On a Cape Dory Typhoon)
– All Gulls and No Buoys
– All my Ex’s (on a stinkpot so had it coming)
– Bad Atti-toad
– Bada-bing-bada boom (another aquamoron)
– Banker’s Hours
– Bay Bay
– Baysic Necessity
– Beaverlicious (hmm! interesting)
– Beer Bait n ‘Ammo
– Bezerker (a little scary as it was on a Hallberg Rassy)
– Better Knot
– Between the Sheets
– Big E Nuf (amazingly this was a sailboat. Probably motored a lot)
– Bikini Bottom
– Bimini Cricket
– Bite Me (on a fishing boat) 
– Knotty Boys (at least it wasn’t knotty buoys)
– Messing About (what an excellent name for a boat)
– Gravyboat
– Bottoms Up
– Boat-acious
– Buoys in the Hood
– Learning Curve (written upside down on a sailboat)
– Sea-duction
– Sea ya
– Loon-a-sea
– Cur-n-Sea
– SeaRenity
– Tip Sea
– Seanile
– X2Sea
– LegaSea
– Itza -Du-Zea (Oyvay)
– Tax Seavation
– Slipless in Seattle (now that’s clever)
– Feelin Nauti (I bet you are)
– Nauti Girl
– Nauti & Nice
– Reel Nauti
– Nauti Nurses  (I think most of the Eastern Fleet would show up if they ran into trouble)
– Nauti Intentions (OK now I am going to throw up)

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nautical, nautical names, sailboat names, sailboats, sailing, stupid boat names, top 10 boat names

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  6. My favorite was the yacht named: “Change Order” and the dinghy named: “original contract” Now that takes nerve!

  7. Our first catalina 27 was called “Four Play” and we changed that first thing. Our hobie 33 was called “Fast Lane” and we changed that to “Emotional Rescue”. Our Kettenberg 38 was called “Reward” and we wouldn’t change that for the world! I saw “WOFTAM” waste of f’n time and money! and BOAT for break out another thousand. enjoyed your list!

  8. The ever popular “She Got the House”. Or one I saw in Australia: “Time and Money” which I rather like. Of course, “Head First” always brings a smile…

  9. Miss America
    Nothing as embarrassing as calling into the race committee to get a slip and saying, Race Committee, this is Miss America” or having to wear the shirts!

  10. The worst I have ever seen, and very common on UK inland waterways (alas) is Myovadraft. Just terrible.
    Best one I read about was a Kiwi who had a boat called Dances with Sheep

  11. Sea Clit – on a Ciagrette type with bimbos all over and guys with gold chains and speedos.
    There are the old stand bys:
    Dad’s dream
    Mama’s mink

  15. Over the years there have been some interesing names around the circuit
    Some one had a series of OK dinghies called Hoof Hearted, Hoof Hearted again, and Hoof Hearted the Turd. Saw a powerboat called Pissed N Broke. Dick Jobbins of Fireball fame always somehow managed to get his name into the boat name, Six million $ Dick, and “Slip a dick to me” come to mind.

  17. Worst name – on offshore type race power boat on a Lake in Arizona! – Blue Vein Throbber.

  18. Okay, first a stupid one that I still laugh at 30 yr.s later. At the US pre-olympic trails in ??? ’76 there was a Finn dinghy with this written on the side of it: IF IT DOESN’T COME WHEN YOU CALL IT, WHY NAME IT? (imho also a great name for cats).
    Now the one that will most certainly cause me to spew if I happen to see it again (and I’m quite certain I will), 4 SAIL. It doesn’t get much lamer than that, although I’ll admit the above mentioned 4 PLAY does stir the same feeling of malaise in my guts.

  20. There’s a boat in Falmouth, Cornwall called ‘Don’t tell the wife’ How about that on a Mayday? Mayday, Mayday, Don’t tell the wife!’
    DR

  21. Some of the worst are WET DREAMS, BLOWN AWAY, MISTRESS, and on the fishing boat MASTER BAITER. CLOUD 9 has to be up in the top ten. The J-22s & J-24s have some very imaginative names, NORWEGIAN WOODY, SEA-CUP(female skipper), BOW DOWN, ALTERNATIVE GIRLFRIEND, RUNS WITH SCISSORS.

  23. My two all-time (un) favorites are:
    “Wet Dream” and, I’m not making this up – “The World’s Largest Prairie Dog” (a Catalina 22 which I raced against in the C22 1986 Nationals.

  29. I have seen two really bad ones.
    Ahoy Vey on a trawler in Boca Raton
    Dixie Normous on a 50 Sea Ray covered in rainbow flags in Fort Lauderdale!
    I have a race boat called Weazel. A number of years ago I bought a cruising boat to use as a tender. The first thing I had to do was change the original name, ONE EYE! Imagine having the two tied up alongside at a regatta!!!

  32. SUCKING CHEST WOUND. and SUNDAY DILEMMA.
    I submit the names of my last two boats. The later of which caused two events were I had radioed freinds I was off Des Moines and should be there soon. The coast gaurd then sent out messages wondering is anyone could locate a boat off DesMoines in trouble. I had to call and advise I was the boat and the name was “Dilemma”. It was a little embaresssing.
    But “Sucking Chest Wound” still wins for the most questionable comments received.

  34. On a BIG power boat at Roche Harbor on San Juan Island: “SHOW ME THE MONEY”…..what made it all the more tacky was it’s home port was Lake Oswego, Oregon, which already has a rep of being populated with rich jerks.

  35. There’s a J/80 named “Spank Me”.
    I just can’t picture walking around Key West Race Week wearing that crew shirt. You may not want to go to the restroom alone!

  36. My favorite was a boat called “Colin’s Tuition”.
    I always wondered where Colin ended up going to school.

  37. On a DoHS lawyer’s boat — I’ll get you off.
    A hotdog vendor’s– Pork you right
    My next boat– Bow-chicka-bow-wow

  38. There was a yacht at the Arun Yacht Club called Passing Wind. About 10 miles to the west is the Looe Passage, around SDelsey Bill, West Sussex. A crew member was hit by the boom,and the owner called out the coastguard. hat is your name and position? We are Passing Wind, in the Looe.
    There wasa speedboat in the same harbour called Floating Seamen.

  41. Anacortes Washington has at least two submissions.
    Nauti Lust (on a 40′ power boat)
    La-Sea (on a 55′ power boat)

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