October 22

Really Stupid Boat Names

Boat Names, Favorite Posts

67  comments

Share0
Tweet0
Share0
Share0
Tweet0
Share0

Ship_20happens_small A few weeks ago, I asked for submissions for the Stupidest Boat Names and I was not disappointed. These are beauties. Thank You! This would not of course had been possible without the support of the awesome Scuttlebutt.

I have tried to categorize them and they have been unscientifically grouped in a totally subjective way that made sense to me after a few beers. I haven’t figured my 3 favorites yet but when I do the submitters get CDs of the Top 10 Sailing Songs.

The original list, culled from several web sites, is in the extended posts. If you have any other names to suggest, I will happily add them. Here they are:

Appalling Puns
“Hot Ruddered Bum”
“Si yes da”
“L.L. Boat”
“Sail Bad The Sinner”
“Bow Down”
“Sexual Heeling”
“Ahoy Vey”
“Yacht Sea”
“Makin’ Luff”


Financial
“A Crewed Interest”
“Myovadraft”
“The Loan Ranger”
“Colin’s Tuition”

Medical
“Biopsea”
“Irritable Bow”
“Bow Movement”
“Sir Osis of the River”
“Vitamin Sea”
“Autopsea”

Sophomoric
“Breakin wind”
“Blow Me”
“Poopy Express”
“Master Baiter”
“My Assiss Dragon”
“Wet Dream”
“Norwegian Woody”

Questionable on a Sailboat
Seen on a Catamaran, “Double Penetration”
“Spank Me” (Raceboat. Imagine the T-Shirts)
“Cunning Stunts”
“Rumple IVskin”

Aquamorons
“Blue Vein Throbber”
“Four Play”
“Sea Clit”
“Seaduced Too”
“Hoosier Daddy”
“Dixie Normous” (they wish)
“Lucky Sperm ”
“Show Me The Money”
“Floating Seamen”
“Nauti Lust”
“La-Sea”

Clever
“Maid of Plywood”
“DILLIGAFF” which stands for Do I look like I give a flying f….
“If it doesn’t come when you call it, why name it” (An Olympic Trial Finn)
“Weazel” with a tender called “One Eye”
“Change Order” and the dinghy named: “original contract”
“WOFTAM” waste of f’n time and money!
“Miss America” (Nothing as embarrassing as calling into the race committee to get a slip and saying, Race Committee, this is Miss America” or having to wear the shirts!)
“Time and Money”
“Head First”
“Sea Cup” (Skippered by a woman)
“Runs With Scissors”
“Support the Right to Arm Bears ”

Relationships
“Don’t tell the wife” How about that on a Mayday? Mayday, Mayday, Don’t tell the wife!
“Alternative Girlfriend”
“Mom’s Mink”
“FUJIMO” – (F___ You Jane, I’m Moving Out …
“She Got the House”
“Pissed N Broke”

Obscure
“Dances with Sheep” (Kiwi Boat)
“The World’s Largest Prairie Dog”
“Shoot Low They’re Riding Chickens”

I am not making this up
There was a yacht at the Arun Yacht Club called “Passing Wind.” About 10 miles to the west is the Looe Passage, around SDelsey Bill, West Sussex. A crew member was hit by the boom,and the owner called out the coastguard. “What is your name and position?” “We are Passing Wind, in the Looe”

Top 10 Stupid Boat Names

A while ago, I came across the Top 10 Boat Names according to Boat US. Many of them are plain stupid, not least the #1 boat name, Aquaholic. Pu-lease!

In doing a bit of digging around, I found some other dumb names for a boat. Panbo had some great ones like the one pictured here. Imagine calling Mayday on your VHF in this boat.

Bernie Ebbers, the jailed former CEO of Worldcom’s yacht was called Aquasition. He deserved time for that alone.

I thought it might be a good wide to come up with the top 10 Stupidest Boat names.

Here are some other beauties I found pecking around:

– a Little Nauti
– Adoryble (On a Cape Dory Typhoon)
– All Gulls and No Buoys
– All my Ex’s (on a stinkpot so had it coming)
– Bad Atti-toad
– Bada-bing-bada boom (another aquamoron)
– Banker’s Hours
– Bay Bay
– Baysic Necessity
– Beaverlicious (hmm! interesting)
– Beer Bait n ‘Ammo
– Bezerker (a little scary as it was on a Hallberg Rassy)
– Better Knot
– Between the Sheets
– Big E Nuf (amazingly this was a sailboat. Probably motored a lot)
– Bikini Bottom
– Bimini Cricket
– Bite Me (on a fishing boat) 
– Knotty Boys (at least it wasn’t knotty buoys)
– Messing About (what an excellent name for a boat)
– Gravyboat
– Bottoms Up
– Boat-acious
– Buoys in the Hood
– Learning Curve (written upside down on a sailboat)
– Sea-duction
– Sea ya
– Loon-a-sea
– Cur-n-Sea
– SeaRenity
– Tip Sea
– Seanile
– X2Sea
– LegaSea
– Itza -Du-Zea (Oyvay)
– Tax Seavation
– Slipless in Seattle (now that’s clever)
– Feelin Nauti (I bet you are)
– Nauti Girl
– Nauti & Nice
– Reel Nauti
– Nauti Nurses  (I think most of the Eastern Fleet would show up if they ran into trouble)
– Nauti Intentions (OK now I am going to throw up)

 Previous
Next

Tags

funny boat names, silly boat names, stupid boat names

You may also like

  1. Hilarious. I have to admit that my favorite is “If it doesn’t come when you call it, why name it”.
    Reminds me for some reason of a certain well-known Laser sailor who had a dog named Skipper. Whenever he entered a regatta and on the registration form there was a box for “Name of Skipper” he always wrote… SKIPPER.

  2. “Something witty and original” was one of the best I’d heard, but it was trumped by two of my friends who entered a laser event in their respective fleets and changed their own names rather than their boats.
    Much confusion ensued as the committee tried to locate Ray Dialrig and Stan Dardrig in the dinghy park.

  3. “Something witty and original” was one of the best I’d heard, but it was trumped by two of my friends who entered a laser event in their respective fleets and changed their own names rather than their boats.
    Much confusion ensued as the committee tried to locate Ray Dialrig and Stan Dardrig in the dinghy park.

  6. I can’t explain why but by far this one cracked me up to the point of tears!
    Shoot Low They’re Riding Chickens
    This entire post is far too funny.

  7. working for a gov’t contractor, I found “Change Order” with the dinghy named “original contract” to be hysterical.

  9. Great compilation!
    I’ve seen a boat called “Itchy and Scratchy” in Hälsingborg, Sweden.

  10. best one i ever saw was a boat i almost bought. it was a flying11 and the bloke who was tryin to sell it was a mate of mine who spent most of his time in the piss. so he painted the bottem part of the hull which was under water bright yellow and called it ‘sunny side up’

  11. Used to go with a friend out of Gainesville, Fl. We usually launched the boat at Cedar Key, Fl or Suwannee, Fl. The name of the boat was/is “Wet Dream”. It was always a fishing trip offshore in the Gulf of Mexico.

  15. Some funny boat names I’ve seen… Key of Sea, Time Thief, Dilligaf (do I look like I give a f—), Hard Drive, Lawn Dart, and Aquadisiac. The first two are powerboats – the others are all sailboats of varying lengths.

  20. I saw a Catalina 22 Class racer called Chicken Ship. I liked the name, as with all racing vechicles wild and crazy names are just as much apart of them,as speed is.
    P.S. These guys are good racers.

  23. I liked “Off like a prom dress” on a 470
    and “Holder Ears” on a Holder 20.
    p.s. the guys on chicken ship aren’t that good.

  27. When I bought my dinghy, my wife and friends instisted that I name it. Originally I was thinking “Pinwheel” in deference to my sailing technique, but “Swell” won out. I called it that because:
    Yachties are “swells”.
    My friends and family are swell.
    I like to sail on swells.
    …and finally, that what my lower body does when I kiss my boat goodnight! _/)

  35. We once followed a yacht down the east coast of Australia. Every time the yacht did a radio check it was funny to hear the comments of the different radio operators. The boat was named “While you are down there”

  39. I can’t stop smiling after reading Nauti Nurses. I imagined a distress call being made and mentioning the name of the boat. I’ll bet whoever answer that distress call is trying hard not to giggle while relaying the message.

  40. FUJIMO always drew a crowd at the Bayview/Mackinac race. I learned what BN meant when a crewmate said his dream was to BN on FUJIMO. hehe.

  43. I’m naming my boat and here are my top picks “Chum Lord”, “Filthy Oar”, “Lackamoolah”, “My place oar yours”, “Ship Faced”, and “Happy Hooker”

  44. I know a guy with a catamaran called “double penetration” makes me laugh every time i see it

  45. best thing I saw was a boat, I almost bought. He was a guy who flying11 and was tryin to sell it was a mate of mine who has spent most of his time in the piss. Then he painted the bottem part of the hull was under water bright yellow and called “Sunnyside Up”

  46. I am buying my first sailboat in a couple weeks. Already have a name picked out for it “The Stabbin’ Cabin”

  47. What about the racing boat named “Sofa King Fast”? (You have to say it fast, and out loud.)

  48. The largest vending machine owner in Michigan (owning a large company with tens of thousands of machines in three states) has a yacht named “Just Quarters”.

  50. WOW, I was just talking aobu tthe “Shoot low, they’re riding Chickens” boat! AWESOME! Would love it if anyone had a picture of it!

  53. Some funny boat names I’ve seen… Key of Sea, Time Thief, Dilligaf (do I look like I give a f—), Hard Drive, Lawn Dart, and Aquadisiac. The first two are powerboats.

  54. Maine lobster boats have some pretty awesome names… She’s all wet, lobstah mobstah, size matters, high maintainance, etc, etc

  58. honorable mention … or dishonorable mention or whatever category might apply would be a race boat I once knew that was named “Myasisaur”, with a logo on the side of the head of a carnivorous dinosaur

  60. Outrageously equipped 30′ center console in Galveston Bay “My Dixie Wrecked”

  61. There is a charter fishing boat in Newport, RI, named “Buckin’ Fitch” and her cpat. is usually 3 sheets to the wind.

  63. I realize this is an old post, but I always enjoy a good “bad boat names” discussion. I was, however, saddened to see one what I believe to be the best boat names around on the list: FUJIMO. Not only was that a gorgeous boat that I remember ogling on the docks as a teenager, the story behind it was great. Plus, even if you didn’t know the story, it sounded tough as hell.

  64. I have to ask why does a boat need a name? I guess some guys love their boats more then their own women. Can’t blame them. Their boats don’t have attitude.

Comments are closed.

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}