Tips on Buying A Boat – Part 3 (Why Not To Buy A Boat)

This response on boat-buying tips and horror stories was so good that I publish it in its entirety.  Peter Hall makes an impassioned plea not to buy a boat. It's absolutely brilliant and sums up the insanity of sailing.

Dear Neighbors: You are clearly infected by an insidious disease that will consume your brain and bank account. Boats: can't live with them, can't live without them. Shamelessly trite but true. They break, maintenance tasks are endless, and the yacht industry is full of many screwballs whose customer service attitudes make the telephone and computer industry look positively stellar. How could I possibly forget the boatyard who cut the wires leading out of the bottom of my mast instead of just disconnecting them before taking the mast down for winter storage. Or the year one yard kept billing me for services on a boat I did not own. Or the sail loft who promised me a new genoa within 2 months, and yet a year and half later it was not quite done despite full prepayment (my bad). More recently one yard wired my boat so poorly one battery was not connected, the high tech mapping device had me going 180 degrees the opposite direction and a newly installed depth sounder pointed at my keel and of course always indicated I was effectively aground at all times. These expensive toys have no brakes, a serious design flaw if you ask me. You may have a boat weighing 10,000 pounds and no effective way to stop the damn thing when sailing. Even a 16 pound road bike has a highly effective braking system. Your time on the water will be filled with hours of boredom, times of blissful pleasure and moments of pure terror. Old married couples scream at each other while docking and at other times gaze at each other in supreme marital bliss while sipping cocktails in the cockpit at sunset. I mean think about it, the seemingly simple task of just parking the friggin' boat can turn into this major production with all the logistics and coordination of a military assault. You will put hours of work into this hobby and some years it will seem like there is more work on the boat than playing on the boat. You will wait all week to go sailing on your precious summer weekends, only to end up having rain 3 weekends in a row. The sailing season in Maine is brief. And yet our coast of Maine is clearly one of the prettiest, most romantic and inviting areas to sail in anywhere in the world. Our state is rated one of the top 3 cruising destinations in the world. Even after decades of being around our waters I never cease to be amazed by the view. Picture sailing along with the boat perfectly trimmed and balanced, water gurgling down the hull, blue sky and sun, a pilot whale off the starboard bow and you are gazing at conifer covered islands all around. And then 1/2 hour later you are panicing and totally stressed out because the fog has rolled in big time and you are surrounded by ledges. The evil flip side of the phase "Rockbound Maine Coast" becomes all too apparent. And believe me, sooner or later you will run aground. I even remember hitting bottom in a marina when assured by the "Dockmaster" (he was all of 16 years old) that was it was not possible to run aground where I was because I was in the alley way between the docks. And this despite the fact he was watching me ineffectually and ultimately disastrously gunning my engine back and forth and stirring up the mud. Low and behold while at full throttle I discovered how quickly my boat accelerates when it suddenly breaks free. Of course this discovery occurred in an area of restricted space surrounded by yachts of far more value than my own. To be honest virtually every year at the start of a new season I mentally hold my breath, because without fail something bad will occur before the boat is put up for the long winter. Consider just a few of the phrases and words that are part of the lexicon of sailing: 1. Life preserver 2. Life sling 3. Broaching 3. Death roll 4. Rogue wave 5. White squall 6. Dismasting 7. Man overboard 8. Lifeline 9. Limit of positive stability 10. Lost at sea. It truly is a strange passion. And yet every winter like thousands of other defectives I find myself daydreaming about the next boating season. And it is usually because I think about certain moments. Moments like rounding a crowded windward mark in a large fleet or getting the boat on a plane downwind in a blustery breeze. Or awakening at daybreak on a perfectly still ocean and watching the seabirds fish for breakfast with that first cup of coffee in my hand. Like I said it is a disease and short of death there may be no cure. And to paraphrase/butcher Dickens: Sailing has given me some of the most thrilling moments in my life and some of the worst. Have you considered taking up quilting?

Peter Hall