What’s the dumbest thing you’ve heard over VHF?

There are many different ways to embarrass yourself while sailing. Having fenders hanging over your topsides or large scallops in your mainsail between the slides are two popular examples. Another is to use improper radio procedures. This demonstrates your incompetence not only to those who can see you, but to everyone within 20 miles.

via sailmagazine.com

I can always do with a VHF refresher. This was very handy (link above c/o Sailmagazine.com).

What's the dumbest thing you've ever heard over VHF?

Mine was a poor woman who was calling the coastguard because her husband had cut his finger and couldn't start the engine. He apparently was also too gravely wounded (or embarrassed) to use the radio himself so got his very stressed spouse to call in Ch16.

After 10 minutes of clogging up Channel 16 about her husband's finger and his inability to get the engine started she said "OK, it started" and then dropped off.